Good Cop, Bad Cop Parenting - More Bad than Good

The Wacky Duo

#LifeSpices 

Hands up parents . Do you 'play' the game Good Cop , Bad Cop when it comes to parenting ?

Amidst the show of hands , my pair of hands will be up in the air . Good Cop , Bad Cop had been played often in the household . Being the guy with the brute personality , it is not hard to see who is the bad cop. A disciplinarian by default , my bellowing voice could be heard when things gets out of hand in the household.

On the other hand , the gentle and soothing personality of the missus clams the children . To be honest , brute and charm works well in certain situations . However , as tools to parenting , it has it's obvious flaws. As the children gets older , this Good Cop , Bad Cop parenting will reap it's ugly head as one parent gets preferred over the other .

To be fair , it was not intentional. In reality, we did not consciously subscribe  to this method of parenting, rather it was a natural extension of our personality . After years of assimilation , it became second nature . From a bad cop perspective , it is  detrimental over the longer run to forming a close bond between parent ( bad cop) and child . In truth , it creates an invisible wall that is hard to breach on both sides . On the other hand , being a good cop has its disadvantages such as the children would want the company of the good cop parent ALL the time. This leaves little relaxing time for the Good Cop.Sometimes they ended up fighting over her attention ( which results in the bad cop coming into the picture to keep peace )

Why Good Cop , Bad Cop does not work

• Short term solution, long term consequences

You may be able to control the immediate situations, but the long term impact on the children may be detrimental. Not only would you create preferences for one parent vs the other, you are also demonstrating to the children that you are not 'united' in parenting.

• Opens up to manipulation

Since the Bad Cop tends to be portrayed as mean while the Good Cop is more lenient, guess who the kids would run to if they need a 'get out of jail' card free. It may mean small things such as getting a gift to bigger things such as lying.

•  Affects the morale of the parent that plays bad cop all the time 

Being a bad cop for most of the time, it does create conflicts in the parent. It is hard to see the children running away from you or making comments that you make a bad parent. It breaks the heart when this happens.

• Possible impact on a couple relationship

It may create conflicts in the relationship due to the different views of parenting. If the parents do not come into concessions. It may lead to possible conflict in the future.

• Vicious cycle

When you are boxed into a certain role in parenting, it would be hard to break the perception. As such the behaviour may continue and eventually form part of your DNA. This means the Good Cop, Bad Cop continues to play all over again and again like a broken record.

• Lack of a  united front 

Parenting should be a joint affair. It should not be one where one parent is pitted against another. Good Cop, Bad Cop does exactly that!

It's time to break the cycle and change the game . No more Good Cop , Bad Cop  and say hi to team parenting . The Bad Cop must learn to step down and not burst into flames whenever a situation arises . On the other hand , the Good Cop must realised that it is ok to correct a mistake or to say no without the fear of consequences . The best way to parenting is a United approach . Let the children think that they are dealing with the parents as one entity and not separate individuals .

Parenting is not and should not be just a game . Rather a concerted and equal effort to ensure that right values are taught to the children. Ditch the Good Cop Bad Cop facade and face the children as one . Only when we do not cop out , would we play our roles as facilitators of life rather than policing the little ones .