Dearest Sons
It has been quite a while since I wrote you boys a letter.
Nope, you are not getting a new brother or sister. Rather I would like to share my thoughts with you on my decision to be a Dad.
Before that, let's recap 2018. Things had been wild this year. There had been major changes in the household. Our 'usual' arrangements of you going to Grandma's after school had to change. Now it is the Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) you would be facing after school.
About 12 years ago, I became a Dad. I always thought I was one that would focus on building a career and handling Dad duties on the side. When Mom and I decided to have a go at parenthood, we were very much mentally prepared to have a child. What we did not anticipate is the ups and downs that come with parenthood. Intertwine that with life, it would mean that there will be sacrifices to be made. Some of them might seem strange and bewildering to you, but trust us, we had thought this through . Hopefully, one day you would appreciate the scarifices we made .
Even with proper planning, things may not turn out the way we wanted. When I embarked on the role of a SAHD, I had envisioned that I would have a watertight plan to work from home and make a living. Somehow, staying at home with 2 boisterous boys made this a challenging task. It is an adjustment that sometimes got the better of me. Granted, my fuse blew several times but I am glad that both of you took it like troopers.
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Hey Baby!
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Instead of forging ahead with my new 'career' , I became a chauffeur, panda delivery man, handyman, disciplinarian and coach.I became a chauffeur as I became the designated driver to shuttle you from school and tuition ( your grandpa use to do that, but he had to take care of Grandma now) . I am your panda delivery man as I would be preparing your meals. I became the handyman as the more you stay at home, the more you realised that there are things to be mend. I am the disciplinarian as I would have to mediate the constant fighting between both of you. I am your coach to teach you life skills and games to occupy your free time.
These are distractions that kept me from moving ahead in full steam. Yet, it is in those deeds that I find myself being a Full time Dad... instead of the father that lurks in the background.
Was I prepared for this when we were planning for a family?
Honestly, as much as we are ready to be parents, this is one scenario that has not been plan out in our life's roadmap. I was not 100% prepared with the situation but that said, I am prepared 'Go with the flow'.
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Hey Baby Parenting Forum
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Yes , 'Go with the flow' was the advice I gave during a recent forum I had participated for Hey Baby. That was given when I was asked what advice to give to new parents. There are too many variables in life to think about. Job security, cost of living, social interactions, social status and a thousand more issues to consider for everyone. Yet, if we think too much, will we ever be #Babyready?
If we had procrastinated in our decision, there will not be you. There will not times where we share our joys together as a family. I will not be able to learn how much I can sacrifice for the people I love and cherish. I will not know what I had been living for in life.
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| Hey Baby Forum with fellow guest speakers : Ang Jun Yang and Candyce Toh |
It is in seeing both of you growing up and developing your own unique character as individuals that make me proud. I have also witness when you adopt the values that Mom and Dad tried to pass on to some success. As parents, the first step, the first walk, the first time you call Mom and Dad are events that surpass the best shows on earth. Nothing beats seeing your own flesh and blood grow up right before your eyes.
In time, you would be ready to become Dads yourself. My advice to you would be.
Go with the flow...but enjoy every moment of it. Every up and every down. Do not fret in the 'preparation' , instead cherish the moments you have with your future child . Make as much memories as you can with them. Moments are fleeting, memories are not.
Lovingly yours
Dad
